Saturday, September 3, 2011

love

I am in love. 

With three specific people who have wormed their way into my heart with no hope of leaving it the same ever again. 

It’s not a new feeling.  I have been in love with them all for some time now.  But one week ago today, I learned to love each of them on a whole new level, in a more powerful way than I had ever experienced or anticipated. 

Micah is my first-born, my gentle little soul.  He has been the center of our world for just shy of three years now, and he has taught us so much.  We have learned grace and humility, patience and humbleness, joy and healthy pride, and a whole new way of looking at the world.  I love it when we snuggle together on the couch or he puts “ponies’ in my hair for me.  He has such a gentle spirit and it shines through in so many things he does.  He has taught us how to laugh and has filled our past three years with memories so powerful they are emblazoned on our hearts and our minds forever.  I have thought so many times over the past three years “How will I ever love another child as much as I love him?”

Macie is my second-born, my sweet little princess.  She came quietly into our world just one week ago today and completely changed it in an unbelievable way.  The past seven days with her are already full of rich memories that I am scared I will forget because there is no good way to capture the sweetness of them.  The smell of newborn baby, the feel of her little body curled up against mine, the quiet squeaks and whimpers when she dreams, her facial expressions that make us laugh. I treasure these days and the days ahead because I know before long they will be gone and I will not be able to get them back, no matter how hard I try.  When we got pregnant last November, I remember thinking, “Will we love this second baby as much as the first?” 

Dan is my soul mate, my strong, silent prince charming.  He may not speak volumes, but he is a spiritual and emotional giant in my life.  He builds me up when I need the support.  He loves me even when I make it hard for him.  He lets me know how special I am to him in the simplest but most profound of ways.  He loves our kids in a way that melts my heart and makes sure he is the kind of dad they need him to be.  He matches all my weaknesses with strengths perfectly.  He is the one I cannot imagine walking this life path without.  On our wedding day, I remember thinking, “Will I ever love anybody as much as I love him?” 

I love these three.  On a level that is sometimes hard for even me to comprehend.  But after one week as a family of four, I am finding that my feelings for them have changed.

I didn’t think it was possible, but I love each of them in a much more powerful, more deep, more fulfilling way than I ever have before. 

I watch Micah with his baby sister, watch him gently stroke her soft downy hair and give her sweet kisses.  I watch him speak to her and giggle as he watches her sleep.  I listen to him tell her “when I a baby I drink Mommy’s boobies but now I a big boy!”  My heart swells with love for this little boy who has welcomed a new person into his family and has been very accepting of our need to include her in his world.

I watch Macie while she sleeps.  I look at all her perfect little features and marvel at what an absolute MIRACLE God has created and blessed us with.  I hold her close and feel her little heart beating against mine.  I grin as I hear those little squeaks and noises she makes when she is sleeping.  I feel my own heart swell when I watch her little mouth turn up in a smile in her sleep.  My heart swells with love for this little girl who has been with us for such a short time but has seemed to capture our hearts forever ago.

I watch Dan with both kids.  I watch how he plays with Micah, how he reads to him, how he gently redirects him when need be.  I listen to them say prayers together at dinner or bedtime.  I watch the excitement on both their faces on “Game Day” when they wear their matching Iowa Hawkeyes t-shirts, and my heart fills with joy to see my boys delighting so much in each other.  I listen to Micah talk on the phone to Dan and tell him about his day.  Most recently, I take in the sweet moments where Dan holds little Macie in his strong arms, a small bundle against his protective frame.  I chuckle at his comments about how she will be a nun and will never leave the house.  I listen to his sweet crooning and all the pet names he has for her.  My heart swells with love for this man who has promised to walk alongside me in this journey and who loves me and our children more than anything else in life. 

Nothing has changed, and at the same time, everything has changed.  I love these three in a way I never thought possible.  And my heart will never be the same again. 

I'm more than okay with that. 

14 comments:

Kristin Unger said...

Kristen,
You have such a gift with words and I find myself enthralled by a kindred spirit. Your eloquent blog voices all my thoughts, hopes, fears, and dreams for my own family. Thank you for sharing your love - not only for your family but with us all.
Kristin

Anonymous said...

Kristen,

That brought tears to my eyes. It's so great to see some of from "back in the day" as mature, loving parents, wives, and women! I love it. I think you just pushed me into starting on my second one:) Maybe....

Vera

Raine said...

You do have a gift of writing. I loved reading all that you wrote! Enjoy this time, for it does go way to fast! I am happy for you, and your family that you have riches beyond the material world!

Love, Aunt Lorraine

Micah and Macies Nana said...

You know how beautiful I think this is and even more so how blessed I feel to be a part of it! You are a wonderful mama and wife and a pretty special "gift from God" daughter.

Anonymous said...

As for that attire men and women pay much more stress for your variety and comfort. [URL=http://www.nfoutletonline.net/#1062]north face outlet online[/URL] clothing reflect that people get pleasure from a greater life of optimism and comfort. Your leisure clothes embody the free, easy, comfort, optional and also relax.The sportswear-like [URL=http://www.nfoutletonline.net/#1014]north face outlet locations[/URL] will become the new favourite in winter time of year.

Anonymous said...

4eKha ghd hair straighteners
wWpk ugg boots sale
vKep michael kors outlet
8qBup GHD Australia
3mLwr burberry store
4nFvw chaussures ugg
5bPoj ghd
1cUti louis vuitton shoes
5gFvv michael kors handbags
1sUtm best hair straighteners
2aAwa ugg boots cheap
9zUxa wholesale nfl jerseys
4cXjb michael kors bags
4sGez Lisseur GHD
1wJna cheap ugg boots

Anonymous said...

1iQql ghd australia
gWvh ugg sale
hLzg michael kors outlet
0xTcy GHD Hair Straightener
1sVxb burberry purses
8dHqm bottes ugg pas cher
2gRfw ghd hair straighteners
2iHaz louis vuitton handbags
7cCqd michael kors purses
6vBcw cheapest ghd
2rAvd ugg boots uk
3hRws wholesale nfl jerseys
9jVox michael kors outlet
8kFji styler ghd
7zOph cheap ugg boots

Anonymous said...

xOfl cheap ghd
mUlu ugg boots sale
iIpd michael kors handbags
8wCzy GHD Hair Straightener
7yPqg burberry store
4kTpr ugg pas cher
8tUgy ghd hair straighteners
9jZyk louis vuitton bags
2lQdb michael kors purses
7qXtn ghd stockists
4mEwk cheap uggs
9zFdv nfl jerseys
5iRze michael kors handbags
1yDzt styler ghd
8bYyf discount uggs

Anonymous said...

The nеxt paycheque may be unԁer ѕome ѕtraіn
of pау bacκAlthough there аrе
loan comρanies ωilling to offеr refinanсіng loans to men and women with a
bad сreԁіt scorе, lenders do not guагantеe the grеatest ratesHowevеr,
despite the fact that, quicκ incomе paуday loan сontinueѕ to
be moѕt ρopulаr methoԁ οf getting monеy on enοugh tіme that you need thе item All theѕe adνances will help make will prоbably be сhallеnging, yеt it's not impossible "I refused in order to pledge my property in order to prevent this kind of from occurringBad credit loans provides an opportunity to rectify your financial meltdown This seems to be quite high and can thus dissuade buyers from putting onThe two places lag at the rear of only Cina, North Korea, Belarus and Italy in terms of governmental surveillanceContinually include a miscellaneous spending admission to pay for quantities not allocated or a seasonal utility bill That person could be negative aspects added $3,000, this excellent website revenue so inquire the expert for earlier Thus, anyone with bad credit may apply seeing that credit check will not be mandatory so you can get a payday advance financingFor additional information give your regional office a call or visit the USDA site at

Here is my blog post: online payday loans

Anonymous said...

The faster the loan agreement, the quicker you will get the money wired right to your bank account. It is good if you in addition did not have to stress out about shelling out it all backside within just 4 weeks. http://www.paydayloansonline2.co.uk Historical monetary performance can be evaluated to find out how the consumer handles their debts and fees. They want it is wider pay out rather than just reimbursement scheme!

Anonymous said...

1, Maxalt Online - buy generic maxalt http://www.maxaltrxonline.net/, [url=http://www.maxaltrxonline.net/]Maxalt Online [/url]

Anonymous said...

12, [url=http://www.isotretinoinrxonline.com/]buy generic accutane online [/url] - order accutane - accutane sale http://www.isotretinoinrxonline.com/.

Anonymous said...

The debtor has to submit a short online application having necessary specifics and wait for the application to obtain the lender's agreement. Before you go in to make an application for your loan, it's really a good idea for anyone who is worried to talk with your loan policeman about it initial. For those who have any questions regarding whether or not a cash payday loan would work for you, then you should call up and ask! Planning before hand and with single click of the mouse (viva technology! Folks mostly prefer to go for compact trip and also over the how to needs to be satisfied, so the demand can be overwhelming. What can quit said inside volumes goes in a few words and phrases. Secondly, the particular borrower must be a citizen with the All of us. Message have come in mode for giving some money at the continue moment instant payday loans in 15 minutes Have your own last loan company statement, check book, employment details, etcetera ready because you apply When you satisfy these prerequisites you are entitles to enjoy the advantage of this loan. It is no surprise to see the united kingdom ranking higher than the US, along with it's projected 4?

Anonymous said...

I love what you guys are up too. Such clever work and reporting!
Keep up the good works guys I've included you guys to my personal blogroll.

My webpage galaxy siv

background